Disability's Funnel Effect

Those who have been placed on disability sometime in their adulthood experience what I have come to call the funnel effect. Understanding it helps the person with disabilities to understand what is happening with they are in the smallest part of the funnel. Here is how it works.

When you were healthy, you had a fairly large group of friends. They may center around sports, or other activities. Your friends come through the things your children are involved with. Church, civic organizations, charity cause, and neighborhood gatherings add to the opportunity to develop friendships. You may have done all of these things when you were healthy, and your list of friends and acquaintances was very broad.

When you became disabled, activities began to go by the wayside. Friends are not sure what to do for you. The activities continue, so their focus goes with those continued activities. Your absence is replaced by someone new. You can no longer play the active games you were involved with, so that group of friends slowly moves on. they want to be your friend, but they were friends for a reason, and sports were the reason. With these changes you slide down the funnel.

Other friends continue to love you for a while. These would be friends for a season. They support you, and try to include you in activities. They think about how to alter activities so that you can be involved. They are very supportive and you value their efforts. Unfortunately, whether you are struggling with a disability or you are completely healthy, seasons change. Someone moves away, the sports season ends, your kids graduate from high school, your job ends. All these mark the changing of a season, and the friends you had through those activities also drift away. With the changing of the season your friendships are becoming more and more limited. Friendships are replaced by loneliness, confusion, and maybe even depression as you reach the narrowest part of the funnel.

Fortunately there is another group of friends. These are your friends for all time. They love you and stick with you no matter what life changes you go through. Your disability does not affect their love for you. Friends for all time don't skip a beat when it comes to the changes you have gone through. Unfortunately, the number of friends for all time come in small numbers. This is normal no matter who you are. Many people are lucky to have three to five friends in this category.

The effect of being squeezed down the funnel is a feeling of isolation and frustration. If you are in the narrowest part of the funnel, take heart, a new season is approaching. With a new season comes as your focus changes. You join a new organization that fits your new lifestyle. You find people who have similar experiences and they become your friend in your new season of life. Fortunately, you are now through the toughest part of the funnel, and you are beginning to feel like a new person.

As you get through the physical and emotional struggles of your disability and become more comfortable with what you can still do, you find new activities. These activities are more fitted to your new life. New activities mean you have new reasons for developing friendships. You have made it through the funnel, and you have a new sense of normal.

How long does it take to make it through the funnel? The answer to that question lies with you. How willing are you to work your way through it? How long do you want to remain squeezed in that period of frustration? Perhaps understanding disability's funnel effect will help the process move quicker. Working with the natural effects of the funnel gives a new perspective of the process. If you are being squeezed, take heart new seasons are approaching. You will find new activities and thereby discover new reasons for friends. Your future may be different, but with a little effort it can be as rewarding as the life you used to live before becoming disabled.

No More Than I Can Handle?

The Bible says that God will not let us have more than we can handle. Well all I have to say is that God must think I am very strong. If you read my last post then you are aware that on top of a knee replacement, I have had a new outbreak of shingles that comes from my lower spine and radiates down my legs.

Well, within hours of visiting the doctor to get the anti-viral medicine to fight off the shingles, I started experience severe pain in my stomach. I will spare you with all of the details of what happened between 9:00 PM and 1:00AM, but suffice to say that I ended up in the hospital, and put on the surgery list. By Saturday morning a severely infected and enlarged Gall Bladder had been removed. If that wasn't enough I was put into isolation because the hospital didn't want my shingles to spread to other patients.

The whole time I was in the hospital I found myself shaking my head in disbelief. How is it possible for all this to happen all at once? What are people going to think and say when they read the next chapter in my health? This is ridiculous.

I found myself faced with a choice. I could play the why me game, or I could rejoice in my circumstances. I chose to rejoice. God must think that I am very strong. He sees a lot more power in me than I see in myself. I want to see myself that way. I would rather claim another promise of the Bible, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Hidden Giants

Today, I sat in the pharmacy department of my local drug store. People were coming and going as the staff were giving shots to prevent shingles. As I sat, an employee asked if I was planning to get the shot as well. Unfortunately, the shot would do me no good. The truth is that I was at the pharmacy for a course of heavy antibiotics because my shingles has returned.

My first bought with shingles came several years ago. A few painful spots on my lower back lasted about three months. When they healed, I thought I was finished with Shingles. Not true. The shingles settled in my lower spine. They returned with a vengeance following my second back surgery. This time with only one prominent spot. All of the rest went down through the nerves in my legs. The pain was debilitating, and very difficult to fight off. It took several months of antibiotics to fight off the Shingles.

Six weeks ago I had knee replacement surgery. This, along with some adjustments in medicines, brought the ugly monster back to life. So, there i was sitting in the pharmacy, waiting for my antibiotics while happy healthy people came for their shot to insure that they won't get what I have been suffering with for years. If I had the choice, I would take the shot too. But, I don't have the choice. Debilitating nerve pain is just one more giant I must fight.

The Power of Love

Pain is a relative term. We can give in to it, and let it consume us. When we do, pain can hurt even worse that it should. Those who give in are rarely seen, unless it is at the doctors office. I don't want to sound critical of the power that pain can have. I have had my share, and I know how difficult it can be to work through. But this week, I discovered another force that can even influence pain. It is the power of love and friendship. After six weeks of being in recovery mode following knee replacement surgery, I had the privilege of officiating at the wedding of some great friends. I was committed to not drawing attention to myself and my problems, so I decided to leave the cane in the car. The wedding went well, and I didn't even miss the cane. At the reception I even managed a slow dance with my daughter. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as I anticipated. Pain was not the focus. Friends and celebration was the focus of the day. In the end it very well. Looking back on the event, I am reminded that love really does conquer all. The pain doesn't go away when you invest yourself in others, but it certainly becomes more tolerable when it isn't the focus of your attention So, who can you do to invest yourself in others? How can you turn your focus outward toward friendships? Get out of the house, find something to do. It won't kill you, and may must make your life better.

Sometimes Pain Does Bring Gain

I am no rookie to physical therapy. My insurance company has been cooperative after every of my surgeries. Each PT had a slightly different approach to their practice, but each did a very good job to make me feel better. Since having my knee replaced, I am in therapy once again. It took a while to get this round of PT started, because I ended up with an allergic reaction to tape, which led to an infection that set me back a couple of weeks. When I finally did begin my rehabilitation, the knee had lost a lot of its flexibility. I was twelve degrees from straight, and could barely bend to ninety degrees. In the first week we were able to stretch muscles and work scar tissue so that my knee would bend to one hundred-eight degrees. All of this information has been given to help you appreciate what happened yesterday. I was in the front yard trying move something. It wasn't a difficult task but that didn't matter. All of the sudden, a sound similar to the tearing of velcro rang from my knee followed by horrible pain. Within minutes a large red circle appeared at the bottom of my knee. The Velcro sound was scar tissue giving way. At today's appointment the PT measured my flexibility. We were all amazed to find that I could now bend my knee to one hundred-twenty degrees. What made the difference? Where did the extra twelve degrees come from? It came from the tearing of scar tissue. The pain was necessary and, therefore, worth it. Sometimes pain does bring gain.

It Will Get worse Before It Gets Better

I finally started physical therapy, four weeks after having knee replacement. The insurance company took its sweet time getting all of the clearances and approvals. When the physical therapist measured my range of motion, she was not very happy. Her comment? "This is going to get worse before it gets better." I have used this statement many times myself, so I knew that I was in for some pain. I was twelve degrees from straight, and could barely reach ninety degrees. In the two weeks it took to get started, I had lost a considerable amount of motion with way too much scar tissue. My PT didn't take long before proving that she meant what she said. It did, indeed get worse. I have a high threshold of pain but this was very difficult. The sad thing is that I know she wasn't really pushing that hard. The reality is that she was working against my weaknesses. This experience mirrors the reality of life. People will find our weaknesses and will work against them. It can be painful, even frustrating. But, if we accept that it will get worse before it gets better, then we will make it through. Don't focus on the worse. Focus instead on the part that gets better. Unless we suffer, we will not grow stronger. I have weaknesses, and I am not afraid to let people see them. Pain is inevitable, but if I allow that pain to make me a better person, then my disability will not get the best of me. I will be strong in spite of my disability.

The Temporary Fix

Donuts are my drug of choice. It may sound silly, but it is true. When I am struggling, I find a donut shop and buy the biggest cinnamon Roll, and one of those custard filled donuts with chocolate on top. Add that to a cup of coffee and you have my fix. Sure it is legal, and it sounds a little silly, but the reality is that I run to my drug of choice just as fast as others run to drugs, or alcohol.

You can imagine my excitement, then, when a donut pizza was hand delivered by my daughter. She purchased it in San Jose, and carried it on a plane to Southern California for me. Believe me, I ate my share, but just after it arrived, I got a lot of attention from the nursing staff on the orthopedic ward.

Here is the reality check. Your drug of choice, like mine, will leave you emotionally empty. Emotional health needs more than substances, or a quick fix. Emotional health demands that we are open and vulnerable with people who care. We must have a support system to get through our emotional lows. And, we need a solid source of strength that is beyond ourselves.

For me, that solid source of strength is found in Jesus Christ, and my support system comes from fellow believers. I have the knowledge and the hope that this dysfunctional body in which I live will be replaced by a heavenly body that works perfectly. Yet, even with this knowledge, I get discouraged. Pain messes with the mind. That is where fellow believers come in. They care about me. They listen, pray, encourage, and support me through the lows of disability.

What is your source of strength? What do you run to when discouragement takes over your mind? Several years ago I had the privilege of baptizing nine people from the Cerebral Palsy center in Seattle, Washington. All had advanced levels of CP, and lived at the center. The change we witnessed in those nine people was amazing. They had a new hope of eternal life. They had a new support system, and they had renewed hope that carried them through their low times.
I tell you this, partially because I am going through a time of discouragement, and I needed to remember my friends with CP. But I am also hoping that you will look at your source of strength. Does it measure up to what those nine people found?