Time Is On My Side?

I was nine years old when the Rolling Stones took to the airwaves with the slow ballad, which boldly proclaimed, “Time is on my side”. Even now, I can hear the music in my mind as though it was playing on the radio in the next room. The song was about a lost love, and the confidence of a reunion, but the line, time is on my side, became the mantra of my generation. We could accomplish anything we wanted with whatever time we desired to invest in it, because time was on our side. The world was big back then and the possibilities were endless.

Now, my children have families and careers of their own. My children’s children are growing into active kids with minds of their own. The students I taught are out in the world doing their own grown up things. The repetitious phrase, “Time is on My Side,” doesn’t feel like it’s true anymore. In fact, the opposite seems true, “Time isn’t on my side.” It is actually working against me, and I had better get on the ball, or it will pass me by all together. There are things that my limitations will no longer allow me to do. But those limitations do not hinder me from doing other (really good) things.

This is not an “I’m getting old,” lament but rather a time is precious proclamation. I read an article about men in nursing homes and the regrets they had in common. They wished they hadn’t worked so much, spent more time with their families, and took more vacations. They wished they had invested more in people and less in the pursuit of profits.

Here is what I am trying to say:

Don’t wait for lost love to return. Pursuit it.

Don’t watch life pass you by. Live it.

Accept a new challenge. It’s not too late to try.

Tell people how much you care about them. They are just as lonely as you.

Stop being held captive by bad people, and difficult circumstances. You won’t change them, so change you.

Try something new. Dare to expand your horizons.

Make a new friend. Work at making their life better.

Pay attention to your surroundings. Enjoy the sounds God provides in nature.

Know that there are still people who need what you have to offer. Find them.

Perhaps a new mantra should come from Tim McGraw’s song entitled, Live Like You Were Dying.

Live Like You Were Dying, Tim McGraw

Live Like You Are Dying

"Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Ephesians 5:15-17

Why They Don't Know

           It is hard to determine why it took so long, but I finally realized an important principle about having a disability that is not easily detected by others. Those of us with invisible disabilities know what it is like for people to overlook, minimize, or even doubt that we struggle with a legitimate disability. After all, “You look fine” is the reason for all of the confusion.

            There are two ways we can approach our disability. We make it visible all of the time by making it a primary part of our conversations, and by acting the part. Or, we only talk about it when we have to, and we try to look as normal as possible. I am one of those in the later category.

            I don’t want my issues to be the topic of constant discussion. I want to live my life as well as I can, and try things I know I shouldn’t do. It is a part of who I am and I pay a painful price for doing those things. I get tired of constantly explaining why I must be excluded from activities, or I don’t feel good today, or I need to rest, and recharge my battery (literally, I have to recharge the machine implanted just above my hip twice a week).

            It is not a matter of pride that I hide my disability as much as I do. I just don’t want to turn my issues into other people’s burden. I don’t want to put myself in the position of having people judge me, or think they can give me advice to instantly solve my problems. Then, there are the people who think they can match my issue with their own issues (which almost never stack up). Comparing Stones to pebbles rarely leads to a positive conversation, so I stop talking about my issues and spend my time sympathizing with theirs. People would rather talk about themselves anyway.

            So, here is the important principle that I have discovered. People are not very sensitive to my disability because for the most part, I don’t want them to be. Their responses are my own doing. I should not be bothered by how they respond. It is a byproduct of trying to look and act as normal as possible.

            It does bother me at times when people are not very sensitive. I can get discouraged like every other person with an invisible disability. But, I constantly try to put the whole thing into perspective. In fact, I try to be happy when people tell me that I look fine. It means that I am, in many important ways, “fine”. Their surprise means that I am having some success at being a “normal” person. It means that I have succeeded at not making my disability the main part of my identity. People who really know me understand, and are very generous with their support. To me, that is all that matters.