On the day I delivered the notice to my employer that I was going out on disability, they were sad, but supportive. As a Middle School teacher I worked with two hundred students each day. I was always around people and in front of people. The idea of my leaving left students uneasy. I had a great relationship with so many kids, and I was sure that my leaving would cause irreparable harm. But it didn’t.
Perhaps one of the biggest realizations for a person who has been put on disability is that the world keeps spinning. Society keeps going, the company where we worked continues to operate, and people go on with their daily lives. We are remembered for a time, but eventually people move on, and the memory of us having worked for that company fades to a distant memory. Let me tell you what I am learning.
Your value is not found in the size of hole that was left when you went out on disability. Nor is it based on the declining number of people who call to check in on you. You are not measured by the number of things you can’t do anymore but by what you do with what you have left. I am learning to deal with the fact that I am much more than the twenty-pound limit I can lift, or the amount of time I can stand or sit.
Like you, I have a disability, but it does not change the fact that I still have a lot to offer. We are told that when a person loses one of their senses, the other senses become more acute. I did not lose one of my senses. Instead, I lost abilities. I must now trust that other abilities will grow stronger to make up for the ones I have lost.
So, I must ask myself a series of questions: What can I still do well? How can I use what I can still do? Is there a project I can be passionate about? What did I start out wanting to do, but didn’t do because my career path took me in a different direction? Are those desires still in me? How can I stretch myself to accomplish those goals?
I must admit that giving in to a disability is very new to me. I am still spending way too much time watching the world go by without me. I am fairly certain that I am not alone in this. I guess we must continually check our focus. Are we concentrating on the person we are not, or are we stretching toward the person we have yet to become? One path leads to defeat, the other to victory.
