Disability's Funnel Effect

Those who have been placed on disability sometime in their adulthood experience what I have come to call the funnel effect. Understanding it helps the person with disabilities to understand what is happening with they are in the smallest part of the funnel. Here is how it works.

When you were healthy, you had a fairly large group of friends. They may center around sports, or other activities. Your friends come through the things your children are involved with. Church, civic organizations, charity cause, and neighborhood gatherings add to the opportunity to develop friendships. You may have done all of these things when you were healthy, and your list of friends and acquaintances was very broad.

When you became disabled, activities began to go by the wayside. Friends are not sure what to do for you. The activities continue, so their focus goes with those continued activities. Your absence is replaced by someone new. You can no longer play the active games you were involved with, so that group of friends slowly moves on. they want to be your friend, but they were friends for a reason, and sports were the reason. With these changes you slide down the funnel.

Other friends continue to love you for a while. These would be friends for a season. They support you, and try to include you in activities. They think about how to alter activities so that you can be involved. They are very supportive and you value their efforts. Unfortunately, whether you are struggling with a disability or you are completely healthy, seasons change. Someone moves away, the sports season ends, your kids graduate from high school, your job ends. All these mark the changing of a season, and the friends you had through those activities also drift away. With the changing of the season your friendships are becoming more and more limited. Friendships are replaced by loneliness, confusion, and maybe even depression as you reach the narrowest part of the funnel.

Fortunately there is another group of friends. These are your friends for all time. They love you and stick with you no matter what life changes you go through. Your disability does not affect their love for you. Friends for all time don't skip a beat when it comes to the changes you have gone through. Unfortunately, the number of friends for all time come in small numbers. This is normal no matter who you are. Many people are lucky to have three to five friends in this category.

The effect of being squeezed down the funnel is a feeling of isolation and frustration. If you are in the narrowest part of the funnel, take heart, a new season is approaching. With a new season comes as your focus changes. You join a new organization that fits your new lifestyle. You find people who have similar experiences and they become your friend in your new season of life. Fortunately, you are now through the toughest part of the funnel, and you are beginning to feel like a new person.

As you get through the physical and emotional struggles of your disability and become more comfortable with what you can still do, you find new activities. These activities are more fitted to your new life. New activities mean you have new reasons for developing friendships. You have made it through the funnel, and you have a new sense of normal.

How long does it take to make it through the funnel? The answer to that question lies with you. How willing are you to work your way through it? How long do you want to remain squeezed in that period of frustration? Perhaps understanding disability's funnel effect will help the process move quicker. Working with the natural effects of the funnel gives a new perspective of the process. If you are being squeezed, take heart new seasons are approaching. You will find new activities and thereby discover new reasons for friends. Your future may be different, but with a little effort it can be as rewarding as the life you used to live before becoming disabled.