The Elephant In The Room

I know what you are thinking. “Are you calling me fat?” No, that is not the point at all. The elephant that I am talking about is your disability. If you are like me, you hear it all the time, “But…you don’t look disabled.”

My back was broken when I was ten years old. I have always lived with pain and covered it up fairly well. Only my wife understood how much pain I had on a daily basis. The pain progressed for more than forty years, until I came to the place where I could barely walk. Even then, most people around me didn’t even notice because I was so good at handling the pain. But there came a point when I could bear it no longer. From there I went through two major back surgeries. That amounted to six months of rehab in a three-year span. Four fusions, three disc replacements and three pounds of titanium later, my back feel’s better than any time I can remember. The nerves that control my body from the waist down are a different story. They have not healed the way we had hoped. Couple this with arthritis, and bad knees and you have an incapacitating condition. If I follow doctor’s orders, not lifting anything with much weight, get plenty of rest, and not stay in one position for very long, I can be fairly pain free.

Here is the problem (and I am sure that by reading this, you will relate) I look fine. Most of the time, I feel fine. I haven’t come to terms with my disability yet, so my mind says I am fine. The result? I try to do normal things like everybody else, and my body reminds me that I am not really fine at all. I have a disability that has placed me on the sidelines. There, I have admitted the elephant in the room.

This blog is not about my complaints, or pains, or doctor’s appointments. It is not a place for a pity party. It is a journey of discovery. I need to reinvent myself, and find a new level of significance. If you are in this place too, I invite you to follow along, join in. Share your ideas. Let’s get beyond the elephant, and find a new direction together. Our disability is not who we are, but if our disability has stopped us from doing what we used to do, then we need to chart a new path. I cannot believe that I am the only person in this position and I refuse to sit on the sidelines alone. That only leads to depression and defeat. So, we need each other. The journey is ahead, and I can’t wait to experience it.

Are you with me?